– Have you heard? We are to create a performance
– What? What performance? What for?
– Who cares what for? We will be in a gallery. Young artists, Artistic search. That sort of thing. What matters is that they want to show it.
– OK, but what should I show?
– Who cares? You can show your ass
– Don’t want to
– OK, then you can show something else. I don’t know… climb a ladder? Hang from a lamp?
– But is doesn’t make sense?
– And how does that matter? No one will know. All you need is to get one of them to start interpreting it. I know – we will ask Ritchie. He has a good spiel. He will say that there is symbolism and metaphor or allegory and if someone says its bullshit, we will just laugh him out, call him a moron who doesn’t understand a thing and refuse to talk to such an uncouth man.
– All right.. This might actually work. You can’t debate with Ritchie. Only… what am I to show.
– Don’t know. You can stand in front of the gallery and, for example take a leak. Then Ritchie will say it was supposed to express you dissatisfaction with the quality of art presented in the gallery.
– Nah, that’s gonna be mean….
– How do you care. They will have something to talk about. And that’s what it is all about.
– Still, I don’t like it. I want something calmer.
– Don’t know – maybe you could walk around the gallery on crutches?
– Why on crutches?
– Why not? It is going to be strange enough.
– And what is strange in crutches?
– Don’t ask me. Maybe tie table legs to your feet or walk on high heels?
– I’ll end up breaking my legs.
– Then just stand. It will look like you can’t walk. Just think up why and you won’t even need Ritchie.
– All right. Ritchie will think of something. But this, no one will notice. I will just stand there in the corner looking stupid?
– What do you mean no one will notice? Then dress in something strange. Put on golden knickers.
– And a batman cloak.
– Not a bad idea. Just make sure it is short not to cover the pants. It will be great. Golden knickers, batman cloak half the way down your ass and a sex shop mask. Cool!!!
– But what is all this supposed to mean?
– Mean? Why should it means anything? Ritchie will think of something.
All right – of course this is not a real conversation between two aspiring artists. But then, judging by the performance taking place in the Centre for Modern Art recently shown in TV Culture, it could have been a true and real conversation.